Yeah... they don't mean it when they say...

"...looking for new friends."

This little gem was an OkCupid find.  His initial contact was very overtly flattering... borderline-too-much.  I think I commented on it, "Well, that was quite a flattering and BOLD message."  He was nice enough, tho.  I signed my real name, and promptly regretted it.  I think he read some dating-advice pamplet that offered up such pearls of wisdom as:

1.  Women LOVE compliments. et nauseam You can never go too far.  Ever.

2.  Women LOVE to hear the sound of and read their own name.  A LOT.  Use her name whenever possible.

He literally used my name in every sentence.
Despite the little red flags that were already popping up, I met him at the Starbucks.   (I know... I know...)
Now, let me preface something.  I know myself.  I know that if I am not attracted to someone, there is NOTHING I can do about it.  And I had nothing for this guy.
No. Thing.
At. All.
Not even a lil'bit.
But during our conversation, he mentioned that he was looking for new friends to just talk to, or hang-out with.  And he was a nice-enough-guy.  I told him that would be fine.  We made plans to "hang-out" over pizza.

On Pizza Night he:
brought me a present.
held the door for me.
pulled out my chair.
used my name preceded by the word, "Oh,"  all. night.
At the end of the night, I gave him a hug which turned into him holding me and not releasing me for a good 10 seconds.  This was followed by the awkward lean-in on his part which caused me to panic and wave a frantic 'good-bye' directly in front of his face.

It was uncomfortable and awkward.

So, I sent him an email letting him know, very clearly, that I was not attracted to him and that the whole night was uncomfortable for me.  His response was very mature.  He said he was disappointed, but understood and didn't want to lose me as a new friend.

Then I didn't hear from him for a couple of weeks.  I figured I was too harsh or something.  Then he sent me a long ol' message about how he wishes he could be my friend, but can't because he wants more and how sad and tragic it all is.  

I responded with "k."

Then he un-friended me on facebook.

 If you are interested in the remaining little deformed lack-luster pearls from the aforementioned pamphlet, they are as follows:
 
3.  If a woman tells you she just wants to be friends, it means she is interested.  DON'T GIVE UP!  Repeat steps 1 and 2 until she succumbs.  

4.  If all of the above fails, she is doing something wrong and it is all her fault.  Throw a tanty.  Un-friend her on Facebook.  Paint your miniature action figures until you feel better.

I changed his name to "Bleh" in my phone so I wouldn't get caught in a weird phone call.

Strike One for Ok Cupid.