I have to say I really enjoyed this message. Since we were on different islands there's nothing to do but have fun with it. I did respond to it, but in the same manner that it was sent to. Nothing serious. Mostly flirty fun.
"We're quiver matches, according to OKC, so much so that we're at a 65% match compatability and only a 22% enemy. That's pretty decent, methinks, although I find it HILARIOUS that we're on two totally different islands! Go figure. Nonetheless & intrigued, I checked out your profile and liked what I read, but you also you seem like trouble, so I've already married and then divorced you in my mind.
Your ex,
P.S. Keep the cat and the villa in Kapalua, I get the dog and the condo in Vegas.
;)"
We made fun of OKcupids geographical shortcomings. I made a joke about joining a crazy cat lady support group and sleeping around to get over him. It's like living in a fictional world with a pen pal.
The messages were fun, but obviously nothing ever became of it. Sigh.
Friday, June 29, 2012
Monday, June 25, 2012
Sharks with lasers part 2
Since, as I mentioned several posts ago, I get a lot of "shark with lasers attached to their heads" comments I added a snarky remark about it on one of my dating profiles. Something like:
"I work with lasers sometimes which is really cool, but we've yet to successfully attach one to a sharks head. Just in case you were wondering."
Well I also mention that I have a severe phobia of crabs (the crustacean not the pubic lice - though I can't say I like those either). I added it because I had a guy suggest hanging out on the beach at night and watching his dog catch crabs on a first date. I figured I'd put it out there ao it wouldn't be a weird discovery later.
Today I got a message from a guy asking this:
"So you hate crabs but work with sharks in the ocean?"
Hmmm...somebody doesn't get my sense of humor.
I checked out his profile and he's 26. Maybe that's too young for Austin Powers?
But I guess it does show that he read my whole profile.
"I work with lasers sometimes which is really cool, but we've yet to successfully attach one to a sharks head. Just in case you were wondering."
Well I also mention that I have a severe phobia of crabs (the crustacean not the pubic lice - though I can't say I like those either). I added it because I had a guy suggest hanging out on the beach at night and watching his dog catch crabs on a first date. I figured I'd put it out there ao it wouldn't be a weird discovery later.
Today I got a message from a guy asking this:
"So you hate crabs but work with sharks in the ocean?"
Hmmm...somebody doesn't get my sense of humor.
I checked out his profile and he's 26. Maybe that's too young for Austin Powers?
But I guess it does show that he read my whole profile.
Don't insult me
This happened awhile ago with a guy I met on Craigslist. And while it never got past the first date I learned some lessons from the experience.
The post said something about looking for a snarky girl and since that is exactly how I describe my sense of humor I started emailing with the guy. Even from his emails I could tell he liked to talk about himself a lot.
He had just moved to Maui and I informed him that I was born and raised here. The emailing wasn't great but I decided to meet him for coffee.
While chatting over coffee he started going off on politics in Hawaii. While I agree there are political issues unique to Hawaii I still feel like someone who just moved here doesn't have the right to insult our politicians or political system. But that was just the start.
He then made a comment about if he ever had kids he'd move back to the mainland because the public school system in Hawaii is so awful. This is after I had already informed him that I was born and raised here.
So not only was he an outsider insulting Hawaii he was directly insulting me and my education. While I agree that the public school system could use some help, I have always been very proud of the education I received at public schools in Hawaii.
Needless to say I never spoke to him again after that date.
Oh, and he also had a tattoo of a fairy. On his shoulder. A very badly drawn tattoo. Weird.
The post said something about looking for a snarky girl and since that is exactly how I describe my sense of humor I started emailing with the guy. Even from his emails I could tell he liked to talk about himself a lot.
He had just moved to Maui and I informed him that I was born and raised here. The emailing wasn't great but I decided to meet him for coffee.
While chatting over coffee he started going off on politics in Hawaii. While I agree there are political issues unique to Hawaii I still feel like someone who just moved here doesn't have the right to insult our politicians or political system. But that was just the start.
He then made a comment about if he ever had kids he'd move back to the mainland because the public school system in Hawaii is so awful. This is after I had already informed him that I was born and raised here.
So not only was he an outsider insulting Hawaii he was directly insulting me and my education. While I agree that the public school system could use some help, I have always been very proud of the education I received at public schools in Hawaii.
Needless to say I never spoke to him again after that date.
Oh, and he also had a tattoo of a fairy. On his shoulder. A very badly drawn tattoo. Weird.
Tuesday, June 19, 2012
Guys... Can we talk about your profile pic?
I can't speak for anyone but myself, but there are some profile pics that just make me go, "NEXT!"
So, today I wanna give you guys some tips on how to choose a good profile pic.
Step 1. Make sure you look happy... or at least pleasant.
Step 4. Don't forget your manscaping! :)
And Step 6. Make sure you are sober.
So, today I wanna give you guys some tips on how to choose a good profile pic.
Step 1. Make sure you look happy... or at least pleasant.
Step 2. Wear a shirt.
Step 3. Show your eyes. They are the windows to your soul. :)
Step 4. Don't forget your manscaping! :)
Step 5. Make sure your picture is upright.
And Step 6. Make sure you are sober.
My bad
This is a slight change from routine since in this story I'm the idiot.
I met a guy on MySpace (which means it happened years ago). He sent me a message indicating his interest. Since there were so many annoying guys on MySpace sending messages of no value I was somewhat skeptical at first. He said I was cute or something like that which made me suspicious. His profile also said he was 6'5".
To air my concerns I tweeted something about being suspicious of tall people and guys who think I'm cute.
What I'd forgotten is that the week before I'd set up my twitter account to update my MySpace status when I tweeted. So the guy I was emailing, who I'd just added as a friend on MySpace, saw my tweet about him and called me on it.
Needless to say I felt like a douche bag. Fortunately he was nice enough to let it go.
I met a guy on MySpace (which means it happened years ago). He sent me a message indicating his interest. Since there were so many annoying guys on MySpace sending messages of no value I was somewhat skeptical at first. He said I was cute or something like that which made me suspicious. His profile also said he was 6'5".
To air my concerns I tweeted something about being suspicious of tall people and guys who think I'm cute.
What I'd forgotten is that the week before I'd set up my twitter account to update my MySpace status when I tweeted. So the guy I was emailing, who I'd just added as a friend on MySpace, saw my tweet about him and called me on it.
Needless to say I felt like a douche bag. Fortunately he was nice enough to let it go.
Monday, June 18, 2012
Social ent
While bad grammar is usually just a nuisance, sometimes you get a message that makes you wonder if the person writing it was drunk on a cell phone with missing buttons, or just doesn't speak English (as always the spelling/grammatical errors are all his):
"Good evening. It's too bad I never heard back from you inasmuch as you're a quite diversified young lady (educated prof coupled w theater/ballet). Dating someone here isn't a contingency for me.....it's social ent and always to speak to someone who may be equally yoked. Hope this find you in good spirit :)"
It started out somewhat promising but crashed badly in the third sentence. I've yet to find anyone for whom dating is a contingency so it's anyone's guess as to what that's all about.
And - spoiler alert here comes my dorky side - I may be a little rusty on my Tolkien, but I thought ents by nature were antisocial.
Here's hoping we are all equally yoked.
"Good evening. It's too bad I never heard back from you inasmuch as you're a quite diversified young lady (educated prof coupled w theater/ballet). Dating someone here isn't a contingency for me.....it's social ent and always to speak to someone who may be equally yoked. Hope this find you in good spirit :)"
It started out somewhat promising but crashed badly in the third sentence. I've yet to find anyone for whom dating is a contingency so it's anyone's guess as to what that's all about.
And - spoiler alert here comes my dorky side - I may be a little rusty on my Tolkien, but I thought ents by nature were antisocial.
Here's hoping we are all equally yoked.
Sunday, June 17, 2012
Super-Exited Guy Really IS Super-Exited!!!!!
When I was doing that post about the over-use of exclamation points, I had to log on to Jazzed.com for the first time in about 6 months. After blogging, I went back to Jazzed to see what else I had missed.
As I scrolled down I found that "Super Exited Exclamation Point Guy" had thoroughly perved my page:
As I scrolled down I found that "Super Exited Exclamation Point Guy" had thoroughly perved my page:
What the poo? You live in Creedmoor. Where the hell is that?!?
Saturday, June 16, 2012
Sharks with Lasers
I work with lasers. Since I think lasers are cool (and I like to think that guys think lasers are cool) I usually mention it in my dating profiles. It's something interesting, but also points out (subtly) that I am a bit of a nerd. Yet every other message I get on a dating site includes the same thing.
In our post-Austin Powers world every one has the same response to the word "laser": sharks with laser beams on their heads.
I get that a lot! It was funny maybe the first 4 times. Now it's just cliche.
Of course it's better than everybody's second response: stop humping the laser!!
So I guess I should just be happy about the damn sharks.
In our post-Austin Powers world every one has the same response to the word "laser": sharks with laser beams on their heads.
I get that a lot! It was funny maybe the first 4 times. Now it's just cliche.
Of course it's better than everybody's second response: stop humping the laser!!
So I guess I should just be happy about the damn sharks.
Grammar!!!!!! Part!!!!! TOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!
Offender #2: Super Exited Exclamation Point Guy
OK!!!
I'm pretty sure he is a bot, but it's nice to know that there's a bot out there who is my Best Friend Forever!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm pretty sure he is a bot, but it's nice to know that there's a bot out there who is my Best Friend Forever!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Friday, June 15, 2012
A Word or Too About Grammar...
If you have taken the time to answer 293 questions on a dating site, you can take a few minutes to check your grammar, guys. It's like your fly is down, and we are trying to ignore it and give you the benefit of the doubt.
Like, "I'm sure if he knew better, he would fix that..."
Or, "That doesn't mean he's dim, he just... maybe... forgot..."
Whatever the reason, your flaccid penis could still pop out at any moment, and that's just tacky.
FIX IT.
There are a lot (NOT "alot") of these, so I'll probably post more later.
Offender #1: Run-On Sentence Guy
Well, hi, Mister. I kinda figured you seen me on okcupid since you just messaged me on okcupid, but thanks for the clarification.
Like, "I'm sure if he knew better, he would fix that..."
Or, "That doesn't mean he's dim, he just... maybe... forgot..."
Whatever the reason, your flaccid penis could still pop out at any moment, and that's just tacky.
FIX IT.
There are a lot (NOT "alot") of these, so I'll probably post more later.
Offender #1: Run-On Sentence Guy
Well, hi, Mister. I kinda figured you seen me on okcupid since you just messaged me on okcupid, but thanks for the clarification.
Thursday, June 14, 2012
Wednesday, June 13, 2012
Yeah... they don't mean it when they say...
"...looking for new friends."
This little gem was an OkCupid find. His initial contact was very overtly flattering... borderline-too-much. I think I commented on it, "Well, that was quite a flattering and BOLD message." He was nice enough, tho. I signed my real name, and promptly regretted it. I think he read some dating-advice pamplet that offered up such pearls of wisdom as:
1. Women LOVE compliments. et nauseam You can never go too far. Ever.
2. Women LOVE to hear the sound of and read their own name. A LOT. Use her name whenever possible.
He literally used my name in every sentence.
Despite the little red flags that were already popping up, I met him at the Starbucks. (I know... I know...)
Now, let me preface something. I know myself. I know that if I am not attracted to someone, there is NOTHING I can do about it. And I had nothing for this guy.
No. Thing.
At. All.
Not even a lil'bit.
But during our conversation, he mentioned that he was looking for new friends to just talk to, or hang-out with. And he was a nice-enough-guy. I told him that would be fine. We made plans to "hang-out" over pizza.
On Pizza Night he:
brought me a present.
held the door for me.
pulled out my chair.
used my name preceded by the word, "Oh," all. night.
At the end of the night, I gave him a hug which turned into him holding me and not releasing me for a good 10 seconds. This was followed by the awkward lean-in on his part which caused me to panic and wave a frantic 'good-bye' directly in front of his face.
It was uncomfortable and awkward.
So, I sent him an email letting him know, very clearly, that I was not attracted to him and that the whole night was uncomfortable for me. His response was very mature. He said he was disappointed, but understood and didn't want to lose me as a new friend.
Then I didn't hear from him for a couple of weeks. I figured I was too harsh or something. Then he sent me a long ol' message about how he wishes he could be my friend, but can't because he wants more and how sad and tragic it all is.
I responded with "k."
Then he un-friended me on facebook.
If you are interested in the remaining little deformed lack-luster pearls from the aforementioned pamphlet, they are as follows:
3. If a woman tells you she just wants to be friends, it means she is interested. DON'T GIVE UP! Repeat steps 1 and 2 until she succumbs.
4. If all of the above fails, she is doing something wrong and it is all her fault. Throw a tanty. Un-friend her on Facebook. Paint your miniature action figures until you feel better.
I changed his name to "Bleh" in my phone so I wouldn't get caught in a weird phone call.
Strike One for Ok Cupid.
This little gem was an OkCupid find. His initial contact was very overtly flattering... borderline-too-much. I think I commented on it, "Well, that was quite a flattering and BOLD message." He was nice enough, tho. I signed my real name, and promptly regretted it. I think he read some dating-advice pamplet that offered up such pearls of wisdom as:
1. Women LOVE compliments. et nauseam You can never go too far. Ever.
2. Women LOVE to hear the sound of and read their own name. A LOT. Use her name whenever possible.
He literally used my name in every sentence.
Despite the little red flags that were already popping up, I met him at the Starbucks. (I know... I know...)
Now, let me preface something. I know myself. I know that if I am not attracted to someone, there is NOTHING I can do about it. And I had nothing for this guy.
No. Thing.
At. All.
Not even a lil'bit.
But during our conversation, he mentioned that he was looking for new friends to just talk to, or hang-out with. And he was a nice-enough-guy. I told him that would be fine. We made plans to "hang-out" over pizza.
On Pizza Night he:
brought me a present.
held the door for me.
pulled out my chair.
used my name preceded by the word, "Oh," all. night.
At the end of the night, I gave him a hug which turned into him holding me and not releasing me for a good 10 seconds. This was followed by the awkward lean-in on his part which caused me to panic and wave a frantic 'good-bye' directly in front of his face.
It was uncomfortable and awkward.
So, I sent him an email letting him know, very clearly, that I was not attracted to him and that the whole night was uncomfortable for me. His response was very mature. He said he was disappointed, but understood and didn't want to lose me as a new friend.
Then I didn't hear from him for a couple of weeks. I figured I was too harsh or something. Then he sent me a long ol' message about how he wishes he could be my friend, but can't because he wants more and how sad and tragic it all is.
I responded with "k."
Then he un-friended me on facebook.
If you are interested in the remaining little deformed lack-luster pearls from the aforementioned pamphlet, they are as follows:
3. If a woman tells you she just wants to be friends, it means she is interested. DON'T GIVE UP! Repeat steps 1 and 2 until she succumbs.
4. If all of the above fails, she is doing something wrong and it is all her fault. Throw a tanty. Un-friend her on Facebook. Paint your miniature action figures until you feel better.
I changed his name to "Bleh" in my phone so I wouldn't get caught in a weird phone call.
Strike One for Ok Cupid.
Small Island
Maui is a small island. With around 150,000 residents (not counting tourists) it can be hard to have any kind of anonymity. You are pretty much guaranteed to run into someone you know anywhere you go.
I just went on a first date with a guy I met online (basically = blind date) and a guy I went on an unsuccessful date after meeting online last year walks by. He stopped and talked to my date, who he had tried to rent a room from, and then chatted with me. Our one date (the old guy, not sure yet about the new guy) was ok, but didn't lead to anything more (and I mean anything - neither of us even texted each other after).
So, needless to say, AWK-ward.
But I guess that is to be expected on a small island like Maui.
Friday, June 8, 2012
POF Psycho
I got this message on Plenty of Fish (POF). All of the spelling/grammatical errors are his.
"so little to go on.. why is it always up to us guys to guess what the girl is all about, persuing and persuing.. im a noncompetitive type, meaning i hate sports and anything resembling competition.. so blank profiles are just that, beckoning more questions and unanswered questions that the musclueheads are all in it to win it, competining for the biggest penis award. Boo! I'm not playing! And PS: Fukc You!!! I just typed all that up only to get rejected, getting a POF message alert saying you only accept messages from peoople who are close to you. Well hello little sister, if I spent 20 minutes of thought on you just to get the door, piss all over you. Now YOU'RE being offensive. Might wanna remove that stipulatiuon. I hopped islands to be with a girl... anything is possible, but not for the pretensious!
and so I looked up your location's zip code and changed mine just to send you your thught up message.. makes me mad when I spend time on a girl and she throws it away."
I think my favorite part is the "musclueheads." Mus Clue Heads??
After reading it several times I figured out that he, at first, was upset that I didn't have enough information in my profile (it is nowhere near "blank"). When he tried to send his little message bitching about that he was unable to because I only accept messages from people that are on the same island as I am (simplifies things and keeps the marines who don't know that Wailuku is not on Oahu away). Then he got really pissed. Pissed enough that he changed his zip code just so he could send me a message bitching about it.
Yikes.
"so little to go on.. why is it always up to us guys to guess what the girl is all about, persuing and persuing.. im a noncompetitive type, meaning i hate sports and anything resembling competition.. so blank profiles are just that, beckoning more questions and unanswered questions that the musclueheads are all in it to win it, competining for the biggest penis award. Boo! I'm not playing! And PS: Fukc You!!! I just typed all that up only to get rejected, getting a POF message alert saying you only accept messages from peoople who are close to you. Well hello little sister, if I spent 20 minutes of thought on you just to get the door, piss all over you. Now YOU'RE being offensive. Might wanna remove that stipulatiuon. I hopped islands to be with a girl... anything is possible, but not for the pretensious!
and so I looked up your location's zip code and changed mine just to send you your thught up message.. makes me mad when I spend time on a girl and she throws it away."
I think my favorite part is the "musclueheads." Mus Clue Heads??
After reading it several times I figured out that he, at first, was upset that I didn't have enough information in my profile (it is nowhere near "blank"). When he tried to send his little message bitching about that he was unable to because I only accept messages from people that are on the same island as I am (simplifies things and keeps the marines who don't know that Wailuku is not on Oahu away). Then he got really pissed. Pissed enough that he changed his zip code just so he could send me a message bitching about it.
Yikes.
Friday, June 1, 2012
Boob Poem
I'll start with my most memorable message on a dating site. As you may have guessed from the title of the post it involves a poem about my boobs.
I had received several messages from an eager, young 18-year-old boy who was well under the age range I had indicated in my preferences. I ignored them, not wanting to be a cougar, until the final message when I decided to block him for his own good.
His final attempt to cyber-woo me was a poem that went like this:
Roses are red
Violets are blue
You sure have a nice set of boobs
While flattering, and potentially the only poem I may ever receive, I was reasonably creeped out.
Advice for young men out there: don't write odes to boobs you've not at least met in person.
I had received several messages from an eager, young 18-year-old boy who was well under the age range I had indicated in my preferences. I ignored them, not wanting to be a cougar, until the final message when I decided to block him for his own good.
His final attempt to cyber-woo me was a poem that went like this:
Roses are red
Violets are blue
You sure have a nice set of boobs
While flattering, and potentially the only poem I may ever receive, I was reasonably creeped out.
Advice for young men out there: don't write odes to boobs you've not at least met in person.
Welcome
Welcome!
We are two single girls on Maui struggling through online dating while stuck on an island. This blog will recount some of our dating adventures both online and otherwise.
Enjoy!
We are two single girls on Maui struggling through online dating while stuck on an island. This blog will recount some of our dating adventures both online and otherwise.
Enjoy!
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